Bringing Marriage Enrichment into the Parish

photo courtesy of Ralph and Ruth Johnson

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Ralph and Ruth Johnson of Albuquerque, N.M., work in Marriage Enrichment. They hope to see couples move from an ordinary marriage to a sacramental one by bringing God into their lifelong commitment. Because couples move around so much, the Johnsons say the best marriage enrichment happens in the parish. 

SALT LAKE CITY — Ralph and Ruth Johnson are bringing their ministry of Marriage Enrichment to the Diocese of Salt Lake City’s 2008 Religious Education Congress Oct. 18 at the Skaggs Catholic Center.

Ralph and Ruth, of Albuquerque, N.M., have been married for 50 years. They have four children and two grandchildren. For the past 35 years they have been active in marriage ministry development and leadership.

"What we hope to see as we travel around the country talking about marriage is marriage friendly parishes," Ralph said in an interview with the Intermountain Catholic. "By marriage friendly I mean parishes that not only support marriages but pursue programs for healthy marriages that begin with youth. Many parishes have Engaged Encounter, but we can be talking about healthy marriages long before people start making plans to marry."

Ruth said that with people moving in and out of parishes and from state to state, they are leaving behind their families, from whom they have traditionally gotten marriage formation information. "Where that marriage formation information belongs now, is in the parish," she said.

"When we were married 50 years ago, there was no such thing as divorce," Ralph said. "In contrast, today, 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, and there is cohabitation."

The Johnsons speak very honestly and openly about why marriages fail and why cohabitation is not appropriate for Catholic couples.

"We believe that Marriage Enrichment begins with the youth," Ralph said. "We begin by teaching healthy dating and building healthy relationships. These things are parts of the life cycle. When couples become engaged, we should be offering engaged couple enrichment, even though we know that over 50percent of engaged couples are cohabiting. It’s a fact of life. After the engaged enrichment program, we move in the life cycle to programs for married couples, and we invite them to go on a Marriage Enrichment weekend.

"Marriage Enrichment is different from Marriage Encounter, in that is less structured, and there is more sharing from one couple to another."

Ruth speaks of marriage support groups of from six to eight couples who share what they have learned in a home setting once a month or so. "Marriage is an ongoing aspect that should continue throughout the life cycle. But it needs formation."

"From a couples’ perspective," Ralph said, "marriage is two imperfect people trying to form a perfect union. They are two unique individuals trying to move from ‘I’ and ‘me’ to ‘we,’ and they need a lot of education.

Ruth said after a number of years, if a couple has had good marriage formation, they have a good Christian or Catholic marriage.

"How do we put God into their lives?" Ralph asked. "Through growth, the marriage is moving toward a covenant with God. As a couple, they make marriage a sacrament. That’s how we make all we do an outward sign of God’s love."

Ruth said there are no skipping steps in Marriage Enrichment. Couples work with the program from the grass-roots level on up.

"Because Marriage Enrichment couples work in small groups, there is the sense that ‘we are not in this alone.’ Some people want to share and other people don’t say anything. It’s a trust issue."

"God is working through the groups, and Marriage Enrichment programs help build communities," said Ralph. What happened in the small group feeds out into the parish. Eventually, we ask parishes in which we’ve worked to see who their volunteers are. The volunteer couples come through the Marriage Enrichment program when Marriage Enrichment is parish based."

Because Marriage Enrichment programs take place in the parishes, the costs are lower than Marriage Encounter weekends.

"We try to keep the cost below $50 a couple; it’s up to the parish. It’s not a money making operation," Ralph said.

A Marriage Enrichment weekend might see its presentation teams and a priest give up to 13 talks per weekend. They are all volunteers and members of the parish. A team of 20 couples means everyone has to do only one thing. It’s a totally shared responsibility. Team members sit at the tables with the new couples and a lot of sharing goes on there."

"We are all teachers and we are all learners," Ruth said. The new couples and the presenting couples compliment each other."

"This is a program in which the parish provides the program that allows the couples to go through formation in life," said Ralph. "Some say it is intense. But it’s where married couples gain new insights and new love."