Holy Cross Ministries helps domestic violence victims

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(From July 2009 to June 2010 in Utah, 5,715 protective orders and stalking injunctions were granted and domestic violences charges were filed. In the past 12 years, Holy Cross Ministries has helped more than 10,000 women and children escape domestic violence. This is the story of one of these families.)

SALT LAKE CITY—Teresa arrived in Utah 22 years ago from Baja California, Mexico with the man she loved, looking forward to a new life.

"At the beginning everything was beautiful. There were no problems, but when we arrived to this country everything began to change," said Teresa, whose last name has been withheld for privacy reasons.

One of those changes was that her husband decided to live as though he were single.

"And on the top of that, drugs came to our lives, and then the lack of respect and many other problems began," said Teresa.

At the time, she thought that maybe, with the birth of the child she was expecting, things would change, but they didn’t.

"Sometimes we believe that having kids will help to stop the men, but no! The men get scared and the violence gets worse," she said.

Despite the abuse, she didn’t leave her husband because she didn’t have anywhere to go. She was in the country without documents, she didn’t know English, she was scared and she felt lost. During the years she stayed with him, she had two children, and that made her feel even more dependent on her husband.

"It was just me and my daughters," she said. "I saw that there they had a roof over their heads, they had food, they had material security… I thought that I had to stay there, not for me, but for them. It was my responsibility... [My husband] always said, ‘If you want to leave, leave, but don’t expect anything from me,’ so I had to wait and keep praying and asking God to help us and to let time pass faster."

Many times over the years she did pack her bags, but always stopped at the door with the thought that she couldn’t leave because she couldn’t support her daughters. So she stayed, but she did take one step toward securing her future: She started English lessons.

When her husband’s violence toward her increased, Teresa started wondering what she would tell her daughters about their future boyfriends. "What if one day I had to tell my daughters, ‘Look that man, he is not good for you, and he doesn’t respect you.’ My daughters were going to answer, ‘But you never left my daddy.’ … I had to prove with my example what the right thing to do was. If I wanted my daughters to be strong women I had to be a strong mother because if not, they would fall down as I did."

Eventually, Teresa left her husband. She and her daughters moved from one shelter to another. The girls often asked her why they lived in such circumstances, and she comforted them as much as she could.

Occasionally she doubted her choice, but "when I thought to go back, I said, ‘Never. I will tell the people that I can clean their houses, iron their clothes ...but I won’t ever return. I won’t be with a man who will ruin my daughters’ lives.’"

While she was living at the Road Home, Teresa heard of Holy Cross Ministries, a nonprofit organization in Salt Lake City run by the Sisters of the Holy Cross that responds to "the underserved community’s need for health and well-being," according to www.holycrossministries.org.

Through Holy Cross Ministries Teresa was able to obtain a U visa, which gives victims of domestic violence and other crimes temporary legal status in the United States.

"I used to think I didn’t have a good case to ask them for help so they wouldn’t be able to help us, but I still said, ‘I will go and leave everything in God’s hands,’" said Teresa, a Cathedral of the Madeleine parishioner.

With the visa, Teresa was able to get her first working permit and now holds three different jobs.

"My daughters and I cried," she said. "This permit opens the door to have a good life, to have stability. It was a door that opened for me, that was giving me the ability to work and create a solid future for my daughters. I always said that I had two hands and a head and I was going to use them to work and to think, and it happened."

Teresa also is grateful to Holy Cross Ministries because, she said, she now has the opportunity to stop being afraid. "Now I feel like a normal human being. Before, without papers, you feel different. You are treated differently. We are marked."

Teresa’s daughters have benefited from her hard decisions. They are straight A students and have jobs to help support the family.

"My mom has been a great example of life," said the oldest daughter, who will graduate from high school with a 3.9 GPA.

Bishop Wester discusses Holy Cross Ministries on his Tuesday Tapestry video.