Marriage from a Catholic perspective

Intermountain Catholic

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Bishop John C. Wester

Just as Utah and the United States legal system grapple with the contentious issue of the legal definition of marriage, we in the Catholic Church face a similar struggle with our secular society, one that we cannot yield. While the Church’s teaching on marriage is firmly rooted in Scripture and is based on sound doctrine and sacred tradition, it also is true that God’s love for all his children – not just some – is another teaching that enjoys the same Scriptural, traditional and doctrinal foundations.

God’s absolute and irrefutable love for each of us demands that as we speak our truth in the public square regarding marriage, we do so with respect and love, conscious that Jesus calls the Church to reach out to everyone with compassion and understanding. Furthermore, while we do not shrink from proclaiming the truth of marriage as we see it, we must never do so without a deep regard, respect and love for those persons who wish to enter into a same-sex union that has the same standing as marriage. To engage in this current debate, I believe that it is important to be clear about what the Catholic Church means by marriage.

We Catholics believe that the definition of marriage is not arbitrary, but rather has been revealed to us by God through Scripture, sacred tradition and natural revelation. Because marriage has theological, spiritual, ecclesial and social meaning, the state does not have the authority or competence to redefine marriage, nor is the Church able to redefine marriage to make it more acceptable or "relevant" to current society.

The Church teaches that marriage is a permanent, exclusive and procreative covenant between a man and a woman. It is a lifelong commitment between a husband and wife, during which they remain faithful to each other in a life-giving relationship. When a man and a woman become husband and wife in the eyes of the Church, they commit themselves to making their relationship a priority that has no equal in their lives.

This marriage bond is one of the seven sacraments of the Church. This means that Jesus Christ is tangibly and truly present in the couple’s covenant with each other. While each of us is called by God to walk a path that leads to our ever-deepening holiness, a married couple becomes one through the sacrament they celebrate, and their individual paths to holiness are merged into one.

This bond is unique. In fact, the Church uses it as an analogy for the closeness between Jesus Christ and his Church. Jesus, through his death and resurrection, entered into a new covenant with us and established his Church. This covenant is permanent, it is exclusive, and it is full of life-giving grace.

Similarly, marriage is a call by God himself for two people to live as one in grace. They are called from the community of believers to live as one, and their lived expression of their Sacrament of Marriage brings blessings and grace to the rest of the community. This is especially true in the children they bring into the community through their love. The scientific evidence overwhelmingly points out that the optimum environment for a child to mature fully and deeply is with a mother and a father in a healthy marriage. While it is true that many marriages are not healthy, the traditional, two-parent family comprised of a married man and woman in a strong relationship offers a child the best chance to become a fully alive human being.

In the midst of the contentious atmosphere brought about by the debate over same-sex marriage, I am also reminded of Christ’s command to "love your neighbor as yourself." The Church calls for her members to respect the viewpoints of others and to remember that violence against those who disagree with us is never tolerated or condoned in any way.

At the same time, we ask that others respect our views and us. In particular, we ask that we not be labeled as "homophobic" because we do not accept same-sex marriage. Simply because we disagree on this issue does not mean we in the Church reject those who are gay. Quite the opposite is true. For many years I lived and ministered in the Archdiocese of San Francisco. I have many memories of the Church reaching out to the Bay Area’s gay community during and throughout the AIDS crisis. Gift of Love on Fulton Street was a home run by the Missionaries of Charity and supported by the Archdiocese for those dying of AIDS. Other homes also were run by the Archdiocese for this purpose. But the Church’s outreach to the gay community is not limited to crises. The Church works closely with all people, regardless of sexual orientation, to bring Christ’s love and healing into their lives through the sacraments, counseling and human support. In particular, we pray for young people who are victims of violence because of their sexual orientation.

Rather than allowing name-calling and fear to rule the debate about same-sex marriage, we must acknowledge that we live in a pluralistic society, where a variety of views are often in tension.

As Bishop of Salt Lake City and as a pastor, I recognize that many are alienated from the Church because of our teaching on marriage, which runs so counter to the thinking of many in our society. However, just as those who oppose us in this matter demand that their rights be respected, so, too, do we Catholics insist that the Church has a right to proclaim what we believe about marriage: that it is part of Christ’s way for people to be saved and to live full, happy lives.

I realize, sadly, that there are many who simply cannot agree with the Church’s teaching on marriage and this makes our ability to proclaim the Gospel limited in their regard. Nonetheless, the Church never ceases to pray that these brothers and sisters will remain in communion with us to the extent possible. It is my hope that everyone on each side of this debate will do all we can to deepen the bonds that unite us, even when we disagree on such a vital issue as marriage. One thing all sides can agree on is that the unity symbolized by marriage is a great gift, one that we must always strive to preserve. I believe that we can preserve that unity between all people of good will even as we struggle to understand what marriage means in the Church and in our society.