Vocations: Marriage and the Single Life

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Vanessa and Pete Doumit, pictured here with their six children, share a strong commitment to the vocation of marriage and to serving God together.

As Catholics consider their place in the world, some, feeling no call to the religious life, may dismiss the idea of having a vocation, but everyone is called to serve in the kingdom of God.

According to the baptismal call issued to all Catholics, all members of the Church “share the priestly, prophetic, and kingly office of Christ, and to the best of their ability carry on the mission of the whole Christian people in the Church and in the world” (Second Vatican Council, Lumen Gentium).

“In baptism we receive the Holy Spirit,” Susan Northway, diocesan director of Faith Formation, said. “We are made members of Christ’s Body in baptism, but in baptism each of us receives a call to spread the Gospel and to do the work of Christ. We’re all called to serve.” There are specific calls such as the priesthood, diaconate or lay ecclesial ministry, but “everyone is called as a lay person to serve Christ in some particular way.”

While some are called to the priesthood or religious life, others discern a call to marry or to remain single and serve God through the opportunities those choices provide.

Pete and Vanessa Doumit, St. Rose of Lima parishioners, have been married for 17 years. They are the parents of six children, ages 2 to 16. Both of them entered marriage with the understanding that it is a vocation and that Christ would play a central role in their relationship, they said.

“Working together, having the same foundation, Christ is the center of our marriage and the guiding light to make decisions,” Vanessa Doumit said.

When the couple got married, “we were on the same page with that,” Pete Doumit said. “In light of the culture and how all the marriages are collapsing around, we needed Christ to be at the center from the very beginning. So long as he is central to all of the decision-making, all of the day-in and day-out of our marriage, we knew that we were going to be OK and with that understanding, recognizing marriage is what Christ said it was: that it is permanent and indissoluble and that we are to be each other’s best friend and walk with each other, to really mean our marriage vows and to live that out on a daily basis. For us, we see that as our marriage vocation.”

Having that foundation, as parents the Doumits rely on the sacramental graces to help them through difficult times.

“Parenting in the best of situations is incredibly challenging,” Vanessa Doumit said. “If you don’t have those extra graces or the ability to give it to God and allow him to help during those times, it can be incredibly overwhelming. I find myself being more overwhelmed and find life is chaotic when I try to take too much on, when I don’t defer some of that to my dear husband or just put it all in God’s lap and say, ‘They were yours first.’”

The Doumits also make each other a priority in their lives and work to find joy in the journey as they serve God together. Those commitments provide strength and security to them and to their children.  

“If you have Christ at the center from the very beginning, if you guys are on the same page from the very beginning, there are going to be storms that are going to come, there are going to be trails that you have to endure, but your faith being where it is and being on the same page, you can hold hands together and hold strong through those tumultuous times knowing that God is in control, that you’re going to come through it and out of it,” Pete Doumit said.

Being called to the vocation of marriage is like any other vocation, Vanessa Doumit said. Those who are called commit to putting the good of the other, whether it is a spouse, faith community or the world, ahead of themselves.

“If you’re called to the vocation of marriage, it’s choosing to wake up every day and say ‘I choose to die for this person,’ to do whatever I have to do to love, honor and serve this person,” she said. “Every vocation is that way.”

Carol Harley, a St. Mary parishioner, feels peace building up the kingdom of God as a single person.

Harley was married for almost 56 years to her husband, George, who died nearly six years ago after a sudden heart attack. The couple had four children, a daughter and three sons. Now, Harley is finding ways to serve and live out her vocation as a single woman and widow.

“I don’t think you need to be a married person to be influential and play a role in the Church and in the community,” she said.  

Harley is a parish choir member, a lector and an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. She is also involved in the Diocesan Council of Catholic Women on the local and diocesan levels, the women’s state legislative council and Church Women United. Each Thursday she takes Communion to 12 sick individuals.

“It’s been very rewarding,” Harley said of her service. “My ministry to the sick, I know that it’s really a boon to them. It’s beneficial to them, but it has also been very gratifying and rewarding to me. I just fall in love with all the people I see and try to make it more than just taking the Eucharist to them. I’m involved in their lives in other ways.”   

Harley said her faith is very important to her. “I look around my church when I’m there at Mass and I think, ‘I just love these people.’ It’s a family and it has been a community. It was my saving grace when George died, just knowing they were all there.”

Harley retired from the IRS in 1995. “Having retired gives me more time to be involved in other things,” said Harley, who estimates she spends close to half her time in service to others.

Those who do not serve, are “really missing out,” she said. “There is so much self-gratification to be involved in these things — spiritual, but also social, physical and mental as well; it’s all-around rewarding and it gives me a sense of wellbeing to be involved in all of these things.”