SALT LAKE CITY — "There is really no such thing as a private Catholic wedding," said Maxine Kaiser, director of the Diocesan Office of Liturgy. "The wedding liturgy is really a function of the whole church. It’s communal, and it includes all the people, even those who aren’t there."
Kaiser is quick to add that the wedding ceremony itself, "is not just an extension of the romance. All of liturgy is meant to be transformative. The couple goes in as two people, but they come out as one. Of course, they still have their own individuality, but they come out bonded in a covenantal relationship as complementary partners."
That covenantal relationship to which she refers is a total commitment, not 50-50, but 100 percent from both people.
"The marriage covenant mirrors Christ’s complete covenant," said Kaiser. Christ’s example to us is one of total giving. The married couple is expected to give one another totally. There is the beauty of Christ in marriage, and Christ gives himself to the union. The ceremony reaffirms that the couple can always count on Christ."
The June-July issue of Modern Liturgy magazine still provides one of the best definitions of the Catholic wedding. In an article by Paul Covino, editor and principal author of "Celebrating Marriage," a popular wedding planning workbook for engaged couples, Covino explains the depth of the wedding ceremony. It goes much further than the flowers, the wedding dress, the tuxes and the rings. His 10 points are:
1) A wedding liturgy is not just a celebration of love; it is the establishment of a covenantal relationship.
2) A wedding liturgy is an activity of the church.
3) The minister of the Sacrament of Marriage is the couple.
4) Bride and groom enter marriage as equal and complementary partners.
5) The active participation of the entire assembly is the goal of all preparations for the wedding liturgy.
6) The tone of the wedding is usually set before the procession even comes down the aisle.
7) There is a variety of ministries within the wedding liturgy.
8) Some things are essential to a Catholic wedding liturgy; others are not.
9) The non-verbal elements of the wedding liturgy are at least as important as the verbal elements.
10) The wedding liturgy is not the only place for religious expression and prayer.
If these 10 points don’t inspire people to study the role of the wedding liturgy in starting a marriage off right, we must be doing something wrong.
"Throughout our whole lives, we experience little deaths," Kaiser said. "Marriage is the death of one way of life but the birth of another. It’s part of the paschal mystery. Death always leads to resurrection."
Ideally, she said, wedding ceremonies should take place within the context of the Mass, "where the couple unite themselves through the offering of Christ in the Eucharist."
In the Second Vatican Council’s "Constitution on the Church in the Modern World," the council defined the authentic married love for which all Catholic couples are seeking:
"Authentic married love is caught up into divine love and is governed and enriched by Christ’s redeeming power and the saving activity of the Church, so that this love may lead the spouses to God with powerful effect and may aid and strengthen them in sublime office of being a father or a mother...
"Thus, Christian family springs from marriage as a reflection of the loving covenant uniting Christ with the Church, and as a participation in the covenant, will manifest to all men Christ’s living presence in the world and the genuine nature of the Church." (#48)
Weddings and the covenants they bring forth are some of the joyous activities of the church. It’s a sacrament, the minister of which is the couple themselves, Kaiser said. "The priest, the deacon, the congregation – they are there to witness the sacrament on behalf of the whole church."
Kaiser, who offers several marriage workshops each year, said this is a concept it often takes people some time to realize.
"Another is the need for active participation on the part of the entire congregation," she said. "Once people understand the basic principles underlying the wedding liturgy, they can better appreciate its richness."
The Marriage covenant (think of the covenant between God and Abraham) is not a contract," Kaiser said. "It has a much deeper definition, and it’s broader than the couple. Everyone is invited as a sign of prayerful support of the covenant. I’ve been to parishes where everyone in the parish is invited to the wedding, even though not all are invited to the reception. In those parishes, weddings are truly glorious occasions."
Back in the day when a couple’s wedding bann (intentions) were announced at Mass prior to the wedding, the covenantal role of the wedding marriage was more clearly understood, Kaiser said. "The wedding was seen as part of the whole sacramental life of the church."
Today, she said, great efforts are made to include everyone in the rite. If the couple have children from previous marriages, for example, roles are planned for them. And in many cases, it isn’t the father of the bride who escorts her down the aisle. Often you’ll see both parents or whole families coming down the aisle together.
Covino recommends that family members, not just formal ushers, greet wedding guests at the door of the church. Even the couple being married and their parents can greet each guest. Gone is the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the ceremony. They have work to do. "This makes the monotonous receiving line at the reception unnecessary," he advises. "Do not artificially divide the assembly into ‘bride’s side and ‘groom’s side.’ Instead, introduce people to others they may not know... Just before the procession, take a few moments for the cantor to briefly rehearse the music and invite everyone to participate fully in the liturgy."
The Diocesan Office of Liturgy has prepared a booklet, "Music for the Catholic Wedding," that reaffirms the communal aspect of the liturgy.
"The reforms called for by Vatican Council II emphasize that the full, conscious, and active participation by all the people is to be considered before all else," the booklet says on page 13. "Therefore, all the assembly should have the opportunity to join in the Lord’s Prayer whenever it occurs in the liturgy."
Kaiser reminds us that there are aspects of weddings we may be used to that are actually better defined as private devotionals, or even secular practices that have crept into Catholic liturgies. The customary "making of a visit to the image of the Blessed Virgin" is an example of the first aspect; the lighting of a "unity candle" an example of the second.
As for the bride’s "visit to the Blessed Virgin," "Music for the Catholic Liturgy advises: "It is better that moments of personal piety not be the focus of attention at public worship, there fore such a gesture during the wedding liturgy is discouraged.
"The ‘unity candle,’" it says, "is a rather recent commercial product that is now a part of the church’s rite of marriage. Experience shows that its use detracts from the flow of the rich symbolism in the marriage rite."
Karen Kane, director of the Worship Office for the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, wrote in the February issues of Pastoral Music magazine of her own marriage in an article titled, "For Ever and Ever. Amen."
"As we processed amid the community of faith, I realized how much we would depend on all who were present to walk with us on this journey of married life in Christ. We would depend on this community’s witness of love, and we would depend on their support and prayer as we entered our new life together. I also realized that our love for one another was a witness of hope for those who may be struggling in their own marriages, a witness of love, and a witness of faith and commitment to the covenant of marriage and family life. It was a grand celebration, doing what liturgy is supposed to do, drawing the faithful into the God’s tether of love and enabling us to recognize once again the profound goodness of God’s presence in our lives, leading us to offer praise and thanksgiving."
Anyone who fondly recalls their own rich, meaningful Catholic wedding would say "Amen" to that.
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