Once again the Church and the shopping mall are locked in the annual battle for the soul of Christmas. And you are in the middle of it. Here are six rules for helping you navigate Advent and Christmas: Rule 1: Organize your Christmas plans according to Christian tradition, not that of the shopping mall. Because Christmas was invented by God – with a little help from the Church – trust that Christmas really does begin on the evening of Dec. 24. Let no one convince you that Christmas began in late September. Despite varying commercial claims, the season begins with the first Mass of Christmas Eve and lasts until the Solemnity of the Epiphany (this year, Jan. 5). Rule 2: Try to have your Christmas celebrations during the proper season. Now, I’ll admit that if you run around the office wearing mistletoe trying to organize a Christmas party on Jan. 3 or so, you will probably be the subject of anxious concern at the water-cooler. So, I wouldn’t push this too far – especially among the more rigid-minded. However, if you are going to do some Christmas entertaining at home, why not organize a party between Christmas Day and Epiphany? Your guests may think that a little odd, but you can begin with a light sermonette about the proper time for Christmas celebrations. And if you provide your guests with the proper amount of Christmas cheer (always make sure there is a designated driver!), your friends won’t worry too much about your high-minded principles. Rule 3: Don’t put up your Christmas decorations until the last weekend before Christmas (Remember it’s still Advent!); and don’t take them down until the day after Epiphany. Again, I am no extremist here: I distance myself from a lady I know (in another parish) who keeps her Christmas tree up until the eve of Ash Wednesday. On the other hand, I have no sympathy for those who think that life will pass them by if they do not have the Christmas tree in the garbage bin by 5 p.m. on Christmas Day. Rule 4: Register a complaint against the use of religious carols in shopping mall muzak systems. The last thing stores want you to be when you cross their thresholds is a high-minded Christian uncontaminated by crass greed. The mall wants you to indulge every materialistic urge that explodes in your brain. And if you want some post-Christmas notoriety, raise noisy objections at the next P.T.A meeting about the school choir singing carols in the mall. They should have been singing in retirement homes and homeless shelters. Rule 5 (related to Rule 4, but separable). Suggest to stores using Christmas carols that they ought to contribute 10 percent of their profits to programs for poor children and the homeless shelters where they live. If you do this, you will probably be considered exceedingly odd – and if you do it vehemently, you will find store security trailing you. Nevertheless, if enough people started making this suggestion, maybe stores might begin listening. (Make sure, of course, that you have first given your own 10 percent). Rule 6. Teach your children to distinguish between the various personifications of Santa Claus they will encounter before Christmas. If they meet one from the Salvation Army, let them give him a hug – and your money! If Santa is produced by the mall to drum up business, have your children (not you) tell him that he is a phony, and don’t let them kiss him. He’s only after their money – and, more to the point, yours!
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