Here come the bride and groom - and the entire community!

Intermountain Catholic

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By Ruth Dillon

Special to the Intermountain Catholic

What I am going to say may shock you: A Catholic wedding is not just about the bride and groom, but about the coming of the Holy Spirit, the gathering of the faithful, and the mystery of God’s love. It is a communal celebration of faith that calls the couple to a life of holiness as the whole community prays for the couple and expresses their support.

Our Catholic faith is steeped in tradition and ritual, yet many times what we see or hear on television and in movies shape our image of how a wedding should look.

For example, did you know that the traditional wedding march, Here Comes the Bride, is not an appropriate music selection for a Catholic wedding? (The piece, from Wagner’s opera Lohengrin, is played not during the wedding procession, but on the way to the bridal chamber.) Or that the Rite of Marriage states, "If there is a procession to the altar, the ministers [e.g., lectors, altar servers] go first, followed by the priest, and then the bride and bridegroom and according to local custom, they may be escorted by their parents and the two witnesses. Meanwhile, the entrance song is sung." (When was the last time, if ever, you saw that happen?) The tradition in the United States is for the bride to be escorted down the aisle by her father, who then gives her to the groom – a tradition that comes from the days when brides were viewed as property.

At a Catholic wedding, no one asks, "Who gives this woman to this man?," or says "If anyone has objections to this wedding, speak now or forever hold your peace."

The fundamental aspect of marriage in the Roman Catholic Church is that of sacramentality. The Catholic Church regards marriage as a sacrament that involves not only the couple who exchange vows, but the entire church community. The Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy points out that, "Liturgical services involve the whole Body of Church; they manifest it and have effects upon it," yet a common misperception is that a wedding belongs to the bride and groom alone. Sacraments are not private functions, but are celebrations belonging to the Church that show God’s desire to be one with us. Just as the couple comes before the congregation and vows that their love will be a sign of God’s love for us, those assembled pray that by their love they support the couple’s vows.

As a sacramental celebration it is important that all elements conform to liturgical standards, but this doesn’t mean that all Catholic weddings look the same. The Rite of Marriage offers options for scripture readings, vows, intercessions, blessings, music and other alternatives so that together with the presider (priest or deacon), the couple can celebrate a wedding that is distinctively their own while still following the liturgical principals of the Rite. Such a sacramental celebration expresses that a wedding is not just about the couple, but about the family, the church and the community.

Ruth Dillon is the Diocese of Salt Lake City director of liturgy.